WELCOME
If you are reading this, it is highly likely that you care about holding space with care and integrity. This short guide is designed to help you ask some key questions about how you are holding Circle space and offers some guiding principles you can take forward in your work.
THE MISSION
I am the Founder of Sister Stories, a Women’s Circle organisation that is on a mission to make going to Circle as common as yoga class.
Circles, in their simplest form, are gatherings of people in an intentional way. There are many types of Circles, but the ones I predominantly work with are ‘sharing’ circles.
They are spaces to be seen and heard without judgement.
They are spaces to allow for the deepest expression of our humanity, from vulnerability to joy.
They are spaces where we we can experience a lost sense of community and connection.
Imagine what the world would be like if every village and city had a thriving circle?
Imagine what the world would be like if children learned in circle from an early age that their voice is valid and their emotions matter?
Imagine what the world would be like if these open, vulnerable spaces were part of the government, the NHS, the police service, big corporations?
Circles have the ability to inspire, to connect and transform.
But they must be held responsibly.
HARM IN CIRCLE
One of the things I am most driven by in my work teaching and mentoring Circle Facilitators is creating a movement of people who are confident, capable and sensitive space holders with a deep knowledge of the responsibility they hold.
Great harm can be caused in Circle.
I have many, many people coming to me who have had challenging, even traumatic experiences happen in Circle spaces that weren’t very well facilitated.
A recent trainee entered the space and wept at how wonderful it felt to be in Circle space again, after years of avoiding it after an experience of being actively insulted in circle some years ago (this story is shared with permission). She had carried this pain with her for years and the impact on her trust in women's spaces had been huge.
For those of us who hold, or aspire to hold Circle spaces, it is our job to take a forensic, loving approach to trying to create the most nourishing space possible.
The next pages contain some of the core principles I work with to minimise the risk of harm being caused in my Circles, that you can incorporate into your space-holding.
A Clear Invitation
The backbone of strong space-holding is clarity. It is of paramount importance that everyone is clear on the purpose and ‘vibe’ of the gathering. There should be no surprises in the space about what kind of environment people will find themselves in, particularly when there is an invitation to vulnerability and free emotional expression. I have learned over the years that even when I thought I was being clear in my descriptions of the space people could expect - I had left room for ambiguity. One (now regular!) participant thought she was coming to some sort of writing workshop and found herself in the depths of people’s emotional journeys. I had to learn to be clearer in my messaging.
In spaces where we are inviting people potentially to go to very tender places within themselves and witness the raw emotion of others, it is our responsibility to seek informed consent from the group. This starts with your invitation. Clarity is king. Do not be afraid to name the potential that the space can be uncomfortable; in doing so we offer our participants the opportunity to take an emotional raincheck about what they feel able to bear witness to.
Robust Agreements
One of the biggest things people who train with me worry about is ‘what do I do if [insert terrible scenario here] happens in Circle?’ There are so many things we can have in our facilitation toolbox to prepare ourselves for and learn to respond to the many unknown scenarios that can happen in Circle, but one of the most simple and robust is creating clear boundaries and agreements for the space. Almost every challenging scenario I have witnessed or heard of in Circle has been as a result of unclear or leaky boundaries about what is or isn’t acceptable in the space.
Historically, many facilitators, myself included, have referred to keeping a space ‘safe.’ When you look at space holding through a broad, intersectional lens, keeping a space safe isn’t actually possible: what feels safe to me may not feel safe to you.
A concept of ‘Brave Space’ has developed in social justice movements and is a very important guiding principle for your Circle work.
This poem by Mickey Scott Bey Jones inspired by a poem by Beth Strano (see original here) is a useful guiding principle:
An Invitation to Brave Space
Together we will create brave space
Because there is no such thing as a “safe space”
We exist in the real world
We all carry scars and we have all caused wounds.
In this space
We seek to turn down the volume of the outside world,
We amplify voices that fight to be heard elsewhere,
We call each other to more truth and love
We have the right to start somewhere and continue to grow.
We have the responsibility to examine what we think we know,
We will not be perfect.
This space will not be perfect.
It will not always be what we wish it to be
But
It will be our brave space together,
and
We will work on it side by side…
Active Anti-Racism and Anti-Oppression work
This is foundational. Without an ongoing examination of the privileges I hold, the oppressive systems I have internalised and what the impact of my words and actions can be on others, I cannot hold a space with integrity. This is ONGOING work. When we do work in this area in the Circle Facilitators Programme, I often find myself sharing with the group: ‘The more of this work I do, the less I know.’
Many of us carry, often unconsciously, beliefs and biases that were formed by the society we were raised in, which need examination if we are to move towards holding more inclusive spaces.
If you are white, this is particularly important.
Some people’s work you can begin with to examine the ways in which your white privilege might be showing up in your work and your life include:
Creating a non-hierarchical environment
The shape of a Circle is inherently non hierarchical. The space of Circle should be set up and created with this philosophy in mind. As the Facilitator you are the gatherer and guardian of the space; it is your job to create a group culture, a set of clear agreements for how the space will operate and offer the core invitation to the group of how the space will unfold. You should to do this as a leader, or a guru, or a person creating a power dynamic. You should do this in your role as gentle steward, someone who is providing a torch on the road ahead, a humble guide for the path.
Place Integrity Over Aesthetics
I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard from people who have attended insta-perfect spaces, where it feels like there is a hidden dress code and a need to present a ‘perfect’ image or conform to a dominant visual identity (young, white, beautiful). Combined with a lack of experience or training and a leaky-feeling set of boundaries, this can be at best, uncomfortable for the participants and at the worst, deeply harmful. For many women, it takes huge courage to come to circle spaces. After having experienced challenging dynamics from other women over the years (competition, comparison, gossip, bullying, exclusion) and as facilitators it is our job to create an environment which feels as inclusive as possible. We can still value beauty in the spaces we create (I love nothing more than creating a space where the room feels alive and rich with beauty), but it should neither the focus nor the substance of the gathering.
Ensuring it is not about you
Facilitating Circle is not about being in the spotlight. It is not about making a name for yourself, or attracting legions of loyal followers and fans. It is about being devoted to the space you are creating. It is about being in service to those who enter your space. It is about a connection to the possibility of what the space can ignite in others. It is not a self serving space.
And whilst you are not creating a self-serving space, you have to create a space that feels both nourishing and alive to you. It has to hold the potential to feel enriching and enlivening every time you gather. Balancing these two important elements is an important part of your unique space-design.
If these principles are something of value to you and you'd like to go deeper, the next cohort of the Circle Facilitation Training begins this month in a space where you will enter deep learning, deep reflection and emerge with clarity, confidence and integrity in your offering. If you are someone who wants to take a bold step out into holding Circles and do so knowing you are fully equipped, with a vibrant peer community cheering you every step of the way, this could be for you.
You can read about it here or book a call with me here to explore if it’s for you.
And, very excitingly, we are holding an Open Evening next Monday 10th October from 7-9pm where you can come along to hear from me live about the training and what you will gain from it, hear from past participants and really get the feeling of what it feels like to walk this beautiful path of Circle Facilitation.